Somewhere Over the Rainbow

First I want to say this: I completely respect your right to disagree with what I am about to say and I am open to hearing your opinions. But please only share those opinions if you can do it in a way that is civil and respectful, otherwise I will remove the comments. I am not looking to start an internet fight,

I just need to share what’s on my heart.

As I am very positive you all know, the Supreme Court just ruled that gay marriage is legal in all fifty states. As I am also positive that you know, the church generally disagrees with this decision, holding that the Bible says it is a sin. While quite a few Christians have responded positively, if not supportively, to the Supreme Court ruling there has been a very negative response to it from the church. And, in general, there is a very negative, fear-filled atmosphere in the church when it comes to homosexuality. Now, I'm not here to talk about whether or not homosexuality is a sin. I'm here to talk about how we as the Body of Christ have gotten our response wrong. I’m here to talk about love winning.

Since we as Christians say we believe that sin is sin is sin, why does sexual sin, and especially homosexuality, get so highly elevated that we create a culture of fear and hatred surrounding it? Romans 8:1-2 says “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free the law of sin and death.” Now, this doesn’t mean that we can run around doing whatever we want and there are no consequences. What it does mean, though, is that we cannot judge each other, in Christ or not. Because, regardless of whether or not a person is “saved” I am not the one saving them. Neither are you. If someone wrongs me and I forgive them, I am not removing their eternal consequences, I’m merely not holding it against them or allowing it to get in the way of my loving them. Only God can wipe their slate clean. And, on the flip side, if I choose not to forgive them that doesn’t mean they’re getting shut out of heaven, it just means that I am choosing to hold it against them and allowing it to color everything I think about them. Only God can keep heaven’s gates closed to them.

 Regardless of whether or not it’s a sin, everyone in the LGBT community is a human being, and in the church we believe that all people are made in the image of God. And that Jesus came to die for everyone single person on the earth. So why don’t we act like it? No condemnation, remember? But, you may be thinking, didn’t you just say “for those who are in Christ?” Yes, yes I did. But, if you remember, I also said that regardless of “in Christ” or not, we are not the ones who condemn. When the sinful woman came to Jesus he let her sob on his feet with no promise of change. He stood up for her when his disciples were judgmental. He loved her. He didn’t give her a list of changes she needed to make before she could love Him and follow Him. When the adulterous woman who, by the law God gave to Moses, should have been stoned was brought to Jesus he protected her. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” I don’t know about you, but in that case I have no stones to throw. But, you may again be saying, Jesus said “go and sin no more” to her. Yes, yes He did. After he protected and loved her. After He saved her from the death His own law said she deserved. She didn’t have to earn His love, and the LGBT community shouldn’t have to earn ours either. They aren’t asking for us to come to their weddings and say we think what they are doing is right, they are asking for the right to be in the hospital with the person they love, to be able to have the same insurance, and be counted as next of kin. They are asking for justice. But, you may be thinking, what they are doing is disgusting and because of it they are condemned to burn in hell forever! But, please let me point out, if we really believe what we claim to believe you and I deserve to be burning eternally in that same hell for the many, many sins we have committed anyway. But “God so loved the world that He sent His one and only

Son to die so that they should not perish, but have eternal life.” (John 3:16) Church family, that doesn’t just mean you. That means them, too. They are just as valuable as you. How is banishing them from your church service or denying them the right to hold the hand of the person they love while they are in the hospital going to help God reach them?

These are thoughts I have been struggling with for quite some time and recent events have helped me see even more clearly how easy it is for Christians to be judgmental and a turn off to the very people we claim we want to see saved. So, I would like to end this post with two apologies to the LGBT community:

1. Personally, I am sorry for any time I have been prejudiced against you. Sorry for any time I have thought that I was better than you or worth more. I am sorry for any time I’ve thought you made yourself ugly with your short hair or your makeup. Sorry for anytime I’ve pitied you. And I am especially sorry for any time I’ve let those opinions color the way I treated you. I am not better, and I think you are all beautiful people who are worthy of love am proud of you for being so open in your beliefs when I am sitting here sick to my stomach about posting this. I am so afraid to stand up for what I believe, and what I believe is that we should love you. So, I am also sorry for being a coward.
2. On behalf my church family, I am so sorry for any time you have had a door shut in your face, been belittled, are made to feel pain in the name of Jesus. That is not what He wants for you and that isn’t how it is supposed to work. But we are broken and afraid. We don’t understand you and we don’t listen. I am so sorry for every time we’ve lived up to your low expectations of the church.

To my fellow Christians reading this, I would just like to remind you of something: Love already won. Isn’t that what we believe? When Jesus died on the cross evil and hatred lost. We aren’t losing the war because of this decision, we are more than conquerors because He has already overcome the world. So, don’t be scared. Don’t be hateful. Listen to their hearts. Jesus is.

More Joys

Since my last post I have been considering what some more of the small joys are. So here is the second half of the list of things that make life really worth it, even on the bad days:

• Tiramisu: If you have never tried this, you are missing out on one of the truly magical parts of life. The only thing better than tiramisu is tiramisu cheesecake. How can I get sad about a bad day when this exists?
  
  
  
  
  
• Baby animals: I could have split this into kittens, puppies, and other adorable baby animals, but wouldn't that be redundant? There is something so heartwarming about the tiny little, awkward, usually fluffy things. For example, I love foals. They are all legs and so awkward, but they grow up to be the most majestic, powerful creatures. It's inspiring.
  
• Chocolate covered strawberries: Yes, I am on a bit of a dessert kick, but honestly. Chocolate covered strawberries are amazing. Not just eating them, but the process of making them. It's so messy and fun to do with friends.
  

• Rain: Yes, rainy days can be depressing and dreary, but is there any sound more peaceful and promising of new life than rain pattering on the roof?
  

• Books: Really, guys. Books are a great thing. A well written story can transport you beyond any limitations in life and take you to worlds that you never knew existed. They can break your heart or bring the promise of new love. We want to be able to travel in time and space, but we already can through the pages written by amazing people.
  

• Handwritten letters: Remember when emails were exciting and new and we had such an abundance of letters it was hard to sort through them all? In these modern times where communication is always easily at our finger tips and handwriting is a thing of the past, it's so nice to receive a letter from someone who cares for you. Know they took the time to sit down and write by hand means so much.
  

Life is beautiful! Don't forget to pay attention. 

Little Joys

Life can be crazy. It can be draining, depressing, frustrating, and all around make you want to go back to bed and pretend you have no responsibilities. It's so easy to get caught up in the negative things and forget about how wonderful life really is. So, I'm going to take a moment to share about the small joys in my life that really should outshine getting caught in traffic or dealing with rude customers:

• Hearing a friend laugh: I know it's cheesy, but it's true. I had two girlfriends over last night for dinner and a movie and laughing together with them was probably the best way I've spent my time recently.
  

• Hearing a baby laugh: Along the same lines as the one above it. We all need to be real for a minute, listening to babies laugh is intoxicatingly joyful.
  

• The sun peeking through the trees: To the Midwest, I apologize. Just remember, this time is coming for you, too! But, honestly, there is almost nothing as peaceful as sun dappled tree leaves.
  

• Almond milk in coffee: While I don't really like to just drink almond milk, put it in coffee and it's a rather magical experience.
  

• Coloring books: Oh, stop being such an adult. You know you love a good coloring book. It relaxes your brain and brings out your inner child. Who cares about the office when there are puppies and kittens to color in! And don't stress about staying in the lines, abstract is good, too. Just ask Picasso
  
  

• Hummingbirds: But, really. How can we be upset about anything where there is something as magical (and adorable) as hummingbirds in the world?
  

• Flowers: I feel like I don't even need to explain this one, but I will. Flowers are so delicate, simple yet intricate, add color to even the most drab scenery, and can bespeak hope in the midst of incredible sorrow. Flowers are new life in the midst of our cement jungles. Flowers are amazing.
  

The more I added to this list the more I wanted to keep going...but then this post would be really long and I'd lost your attention! So, I may revisit this. But, it does make me wonder: these are some of the joys I've found. What are your joys?

12 Things Being Married Has Taught Me About Myself

Lists seem to be a thing right now. So I was thinking, I can do a list! That's a thing I'm capable of. Then I was thinking...what to do a list about? I just had my one year wedding anniversary in January. (Oh, no...please...hold your applause!) So, in honor of that, here is my list of 12 things I've learned about myself this year.

1. I have incredibly low self-esteem for no reason.

Seriously. I mean, in general, I don't think I suck or anything, but I definitely am not confident. Especially when it comes to my body. I compare myself to everyone around me and project on people what they MUST be thinking about me. But...why does that matter? My husband thinks I'm lovely. He enjoys everything about me and especially my body. He thinks it's great, so why does it matter to me what other people think? It really shouldn't.

2. I have misplaced my priorities.

This kind of goes along with the first point. I get so hung up on what other people think and what other people expect of me that what I want and what my husband wants gets put on the back burner sometimes...okay...a lot of times. But that's not how to build a happy marriage or sanity for myself.

3. I'm actually a pretty awesome cook.

If I wasn't feeding two people I never would have made a lot of the food I've concocted this year. And, I gotta say, I'm getting pretty good. I even made sausage gravy from scratch by modifying a recipe from my cookbook. Look out, Food Network, here I come!

4. I actually enjoy cleaning.

Don't worry, an alien hasn't stolen me and replaced me with a cleaning machine. Cleaning regularly is still a thing I struggle with, but I have a new satisfaction in it now that it isn't just for me. And I've realized that that satisfaction was always there, I just never had the drive to discover it before.

5. I have an incredible amount of worth.

Even on my worst day, that beautiful man is still there to hold my hand while I fall asleep. He still tells me how much he loves me and how wonderful I am. And he's not lying! He values my well-being above his own. He tries to be understanding when my hormones are crazy and I don't even know why I'm crying. He's patient when I'm angry because I don't know why I can't get my onions to caramelize (I will conquer them...I will!)

6. I judge TV shows by two second clips

Alex and I have started watching Smallville recently. I never would have without his wanting to do it because I had only seen bits of it when flipping channels and thought it was dumb because I was seeing a random scene from a random episode. And I've learned it's basically my favorite show and I should stop judging things so quickly.

7. I am scared to have children

For anyone who knows me, this is surprising. I've always wanted to be a mother. But, now that it's actually something that could happen, I am terrified. I will be guiding and shaping the development of another human being. And, before that, I'll be growing a person inside of me for nine months and then spend hours upon hours of currently incomprehensible pain pushing them out. Talk about scary! And, even scarier, what if I ruin them and they spend thousands of dollars on therapy?

8. I can do amazing things

For those of you who don't know, last summer Alex and I packed up all of our belongings (and our cat) and drove two thousand miles across the country to start our lives over completely by ourselves in Pasadena, Ca. First of all, I have never felt more like an adult but also a child at the same time in my life. But we're making it work and we're even thriving. Sure, it's not easy having everyone I've ever known and loved (other than Alex) being so far away, but we are carving out a life here, making new friends, and generally succeeding at being transplanted. I never would have thought I was capable of such a daring leap before this year.

9. I can't stand being home alone

I already was aware of this, but not to the degree I am now. Silence is oppressive. The second Alex leaves for work at night (he works the closing shift frequently) I lose all motivation to stay away only because being awake means being in the still, silent apartment. My mind goes crazy and I'm stir crazy in about five seconds.

10.  My name was more important than I realized

What little girl doesn't dream of having a different last name and "tries on" the last names of just about every guy she knows? Okay, there's probably quite a few girls who haven't done that. But I was always trying on other last names when I was little, but as I grew up I stopped doing that and my last name was what I signed on everything and filled out forms with. But I didn't realize how much it meant to my identity. I don't generally use my own name except to identify myself for other people. I don't call myself by my name in my head and it rarely comes out my own mouth. So I had no idea how much of a weird thing it would be for that identifier to change. I haven't quite gotten used to my new name yet, but my old name also feels wrong since I haven't been called by it for a year. There are days that it feels like I'm missing half of who I am because I don't have a last name in my head.

11. I can be legitimately interested in something I cannot comprehend

Alex is a musician and a theology student. He loves to talk to me about why people like certain songs and what he's learning about books in the Bible and Biblical Hebrew. Most of the time I really don't understand what he's saying, but the fact that he's opening his mind and heart to me is so important that I want to hear every word he's saying even though I generally don't understand what he's saying.

12. I am just beginning to understand marriage

All of my life I thought I knew what marriage was: beautiful wedding, romance, eventually having kids, and choosing to love someone even when they irk you. But it's that last part I didn't fully comprehend. Choosing to love Alex has been the most exciting and rewarding adventure of my life. I was worried when I was in college that I wouldn't be able to commit to someone forever because, after a little while, the excitement wears off and it's the day to day "I still have to look at your face." But this year I'm learning that it's not a "have to" it's a "get to." The more I learn about this wonderful man that chose to spend his life with me the more excited I am to be with him. Sure, there are days that I want to shove him out the door and I'm sure he has those days with me, too. But this man has such a deep, beautiful spirit and I get the honor of learning everything there is to know about him. How cool is that?

Do Work!

Honest question: Why is it so hard to stick with something like working out or eating better? I know I'll feel better and look better, so why is it so hard? Especially the eating better. It's not really that much more work, it's just picking different things and a tad less convenient.
It's such an interesting thing, I think, that our nature is so very self-destructive. We are automatically opposed to things that make us feel better in the long run because it's hard in the short run...especially if it happens to be a long run we're trying to go on! (Sorry, couldn't help it.)
I know that, if I start being regular in things such as eating well and exercise eventually my body will start to crave these things instead of a double chocolate doughnut. (But, honestly...double chocolate!) It's the getting over that hump of the bad cravings that is so very hard.
My goal for this year is to get off my butt and do things. This month is yoga, next month (in theory) is running. I'm also trying to be more intentional in my eating and not just stuffing food in my face. What are your fitness goals for the year?

Flipping Channels

Have you ever had so much going on in your head that you can't organize it enough to articulate what you are thinking? Like flipping channels so fast on the TV that you don't actually see anything but you take in a little of everything? That's the problem I'm having lately and why I didn't post the last three days. There's so much I'm thinking about that I couldn't find what I wanted to say. So, here's a bullet point list of what I'm thinking about and hopefully I'll be able to expand on the list later:

• Why is Fifty Shades of Grey such a worldwide phenomena when, first of all, it is terribly written and, secondly and more importantly, not romantic at all but a glorification of domestic violence? Why is Anastasia supposedly seen as an empowered woman when really she is a victim and a doormat?
• Why do we as consumers hold so little value for the people who create what we consume? I'm sure you've noticed that most people in retail and food service seem like they hate their lives. The reason for that is that they've totally lost faith in humanity.
• Why do so many people drive like they own the road and cause risk to my life and sanity?
• I honestly believe Batman could take Superman (and really any of the other heroes) in a fight and barely break a sweat.
• And why is it that, as a child, I fought bedtime so hard. What was my deal? Bedtime is the unsung hero of my life.

So, there are a few little snippets from my brain. I'll be back tomorrow with more cohesive thoughts. 

Not Always Right

Here's what I will never understand: rude customers. Especially the customers who come in and, after I greet them, order their "grande vanilla latte
as fast as you can. I'm running late." And then they proceed to be rude when they don't have it one minute later. Here's my question, well, four questions actually: 1. If you're running late, why did you put yourself on someone else's time? 2. Why do you think it's okay to be angry when someone else's time doesn't match yours? Did you not notice the line in front of you when you walked in? Do you not understand how lines work? The people in front of you get their drinks first. And, though we are working as fast as we can, we are still only human and only have two hands.
I understand that I work in customer service so, therefore, it is my job to serve people. But, personally, I don't think this gives anyone the right to be rude to me or my coworkers. I am not less important than you since I am on the other side of the counter. I didn't make your drink hot when you wanted it iced just to spite you, it was a mistake. This doesn't give you the right to yell at me or treat me like I am stupid. I respect your time, I'm not lollygagging. The real kicker is, if I treated my customers the way most of them treated me then I would get fired. How is that okay? I want to know how "the customer is always right" if the customer is being abusive of the people who are serving them?