More Joys

Since my last post I have been considering what some more of the small joys are. So here is the second half of the list of things that make life really worth it, even on the bad days:

• Tiramisu: If you have never tried this, you are missing out on one of the truly magical parts of life. The only thing better than tiramisu is tiramisu cheesecake. How can I get sad about a bad day when this exists?
  
  
  
  
  
• Baby animals: I could have split this into kittens, puppies, and other adorable baby animals, but wouldn't that be redundant? There is something so heartwarming about the tiny little, awkward, usually fluffy things. For example, I love foals. They are all legs and so awkward, but they grow up to be the most majestic, powerful creatures. It's inspiring.
  
• Chocolate covered strawberries: Yes, I am on a bit of a dessert kick, but honestly. Chocolate covered strawberries are amazing. Not just eating them, but the process of making them. It's so messy and fun to do with friends.
  

• Rain: Yes, rainy days can be depressing and dreary, but is there any sound more peaceful and promising of new life than rain pattering on the roof?
  

• Books: Really, guys. Books are a great thing. A well written story can transport you beyond any limitations in life and take you to worlds that you never knew existed. They can break your heart or bring the promise of new love. We want to be able to travel in time and space, but we already can through the pages written by amazing people.
  

• Handwritten letters: Remember when emails were exciting and new and we had such an abundance of letters it was hard to sort through them all? In these modern times where communication is always easily at our finger tips and handwriting is a thing of the past, it's so nice to receive a letter from someone who cares for you. Know they took the time to sit down and write by hand means so much.
  

Life is beautiful! Don't forget to pay attention. 

Little Joys

Life can be crazy. It can be draining, depressing, frustrating, and all around make you want to go back to bed and pretend you have no responsibilities. It's so easy to get caught up in the negative things and forget about how wonderful life really is. So, I'm going to take a moment to share about the small joys in my life that really should outshine getting caught in traffic or dealing with rude customers:

• Hearing a friend laugh: I know it's cheesy, but it's true. I had two girlfriends over last night for dinner and a movie and laughing together with them was probably the best way I've spent my time recently.
  

• Hearing a baby laugh: Along the same lines as the one above it. We all need to be real for a minute, listening to babies laugh is intoxicatingly joyful.
  

• The sun peeking through the trees: To the Midwest, I apologize. Just remember, this time is coming for you, too! But, honestly, there is almost nothing as peaceful as sun dappled tree leaves.
  

• Almond milk in coffee: While I don't really like to just drink almond milk, put it in coffee and it's a rather magical experience.
  

• Coloring books: Oh, stop being such an adult. You know you love a good coloring book. It relaxes your brain and brings out your inner child. Who cares about the office when there are puppies and kittens to color in! And don't stress about staying in the lines, abstract is good, too. Just ask Picasso
  
  

• Hummingbirds: But, really. How can we be upset about anything where there is something as magical (and adorable) as hummingbirds in the world?
  

• Flowers: I feel like I don't even need to explain this one, but I will. Flowers are so delicate, simple yet intricate, add color to even the most drab scenery, and can bespeak hope in the midst of incredible sorrow. Flowers are new life in the midst of our cement jungles. Flowers are amazing.
  

The more I added to this list the more I wanted to keep going...but then this post would be really long and I'd lost your attention! So, I may revisit this. But, it does make me wonder: these are some of the joys I've found. What are your joys?

12 Things Being Married Has Taught Me About Myself

Lists seem to be a thing right now. So I was thinking, I can do a list! That's a thing I'm capable of. Then I was thinking...what to do a list about? I just had my one year wedding anniversary in January. (Oh, no...please...hold your applause!) So, in honor of that, here is my list of 12 things I've learned about myself this year.

1. I have incredibly low self-esteem for no reason.

Seriously. I mean, in general, I don't think I suck or anything, but I definitely am not confident. Especially when it comes to my body. I compare myself to everyone around me and project on people what they MUST be thinking about me. But...why does that matter? My husband thinks I'm lovely. He enjoys everything about me and especially my body. He thinks it's great, so why does it matter to me what other people think? It really shouldn't.

2. I have misplaced my priorities.

This kind of goes along with the first point. I get so hung up on what other people think and what other people expect of me that what I want and what my husband wants gets put on the back burner sometimes...okay...a lot of times. But that's not how to build a happy marriage or sanity for myself.

3. I'm actually a pretty awesome cook.

If I wasn't feeding two people I never would have made a lot of the food I've concocted this year. And, I gotta say, I'm getting pretty good. I even made sausage gravy from scratch by modifying a recipe from my cookbook. Look out, Food Network, here I come!

4. I actually enjoy cleaning.

Don't worry, an alien hasn't stolen me and replaced me with a cleaning machine. Cleaning regularly is still a thing I struggle with, but I have a new satisfaction in it now that it isn't just for me. And I've realized that that satisfaction was always there, I just never had the drive to discover it before.

5. I have an incredible amount of worth.

Even on my worst day, that beautiful man is still there to hold my hand while I fall asleep. He still tells me how much he loves me and how wonderful I am. And he's not lying! He values my well-being above his own. He tries to be understanding when my hormones are crazy and I don't even know why I'm crying. He's patient when I'm angry because I don't know why I can't get my onions to caramelize (I will conquer them...I will!)

6. I judge TV shows by two second clips

Alex and I have started watching Smallville recently. I never would have without his wanting to do it because I had only seen bits of it when flipping channels and thought it was dumb because I was seeing a random scene from a random episode. And I've learned it's basically my favorite show and I should stop judging things so quickly.

7. I am scared to have children

For anyone who knows me, this is surprising. I've always wanted to be a mother. But, now that it's actually something that could happen, I am terrified. I will be guiding and shaping the development of another human being. And, before that, I'll be growing a person inside of me for nine months and then spend hours upon hours of currently incomprehensible pain pushing them out. Talk about scary! And, even scarier, what if I ruin them and they spend thousands of dollars on therapy?

8. I can do amazing things

For those of you who don't know, last summer Alex and I packed up all of our belongings (and our cat) and drove two thousand miles across the country to start our lives over completely by ourselves in Pasadena, Ca. First of all, I have never felt more like an adult but also a child at the same time in my life. But we're making it work and we're even thriving. Sure, it's not easy having everyone I've ever known and loved (other than Alex) being so far away, but we are carving out a life here, making new friends, and generally succeeding at being transplanted. I never would have thought I was capable of such a daring leap before this year.

9. I can't stand being home alone

I already was aware of this, but not to the degree I am now. Silence is oppressive. The second Alex leaves for work at night (he works the closing shift frequently) I lose all motivation to stay away only because being awake means being in the still, silent apartment. My mind goes crazy and I'm stir crazy in about five seconds.

10.  My name was more important than I realized

What little girl doesn't dream of having a different last name and "tries on" the last names of just about every guy she knows? Okay, there's probably quite a few girls who haven't done that. But I was always trying on other last names when I was little, but as I grew up I stopped doing that and my last name was what I signed on everything and filled out forms with. But I didn't realize how much it meant to my identity. I don't generally use my own name except to identify myself for other people. I don't call myself by my name in my head and it rarely comes out my own mouth. So I had no idea how much of a weird thing it would be for that identifier to change. I haven't quite gotten used to my new name yet, but my old name also feels wrong since I haven't been called by it for a year. There are days that it feels like I'm missing half of who I am because I don't have a last name in my head.

11. I can be legitimately interested in something I cannot comprehend

Alex is a musician and a theology student. He loves to talk to me about why people like certain songs and what he's learning about books in the Bible and Biblical Hebrew. Most of the time I really don't understand what he's saying, but the fact that he's opening his mind and heart to me is so important that I want to hear every word he's saying even though I generally don't understand what he's saying.

12. I am just beginning to understand marriage

All of my life I thought I knew what marriage was: beautiful wedding, romance, eventually having kids, and choosing to love someone even when they irk you. But it's that last part I didn't fully comprehend. Choosing to love Alex has been the most exciting and rewarding adventure of my life. I was worried when I was in college that I wouldn't be able to commit to someone forever because, after a little while, the excitement wears off and it's the day to day "I still have to look at your face." But this year I'm learning that it's not a "have to" it's a "get to." The more I learn about this wonderful man that chose to spend his life with me the more excited I am to be with him. Sure, there are days that I want to shove him out the door and I'm sure he has those days with me, too. But this man has such a deep, beautiful spirit and I get the honor of learning everything there is to know about him. How cool is that?

Do Work!

Honest question: Why is it so hard to stick with something like working out or eating better? I know I'll feel better and look better, so why is it so hard? Especially the eating better. It's not really that much more work, it's just picking different things and a tad less convenient.
It's such an interesting thing, I think, that our nature is so very self-destructive. We are automatically opposed to things that make us feel better in the long run because it's hard in the short run...especially if it happens to be a long run we're trying to go on! (Sorry, couldn't help it.)
I know that, if I start being regular in things such as eating well and exercise eventually my body will start to crave these things instead of a double chocolate doughnut. (But, honestly...double chocolate!) It's the getting over that hump of the bad cravings that is so very hard.
My goal for this year is to get off my butt and do things. This month is yoga, next month (in theory) is running. I'm also trying to be more intentional in my eating and not just stuffing food in my face. What are your fitness goals for the year?

Flipping Channels

Have you ever had so much going on in your head that you can't organize it enough to articulate what you are thinking? Like flipping channels so fast on the TV that you don't actually see anything but you take in a little of everything? That's the problem I'm having lately and why I didn't post the last three days. There's so much I'm thinking about that I couldn't find what I wanted to say. So, here's a bullet point list of what I'm thinking about and hopefully I'll be able to expand on the list later:

• Why is Fifty Shades of Grey such a worldwide phenomena when, first of all, it is terribly written and, secondly and more importantly, not romantic at all but a glorification of domestic violence? Why is Anastasia supposedly seen as an empowered woman when really she is a victim and a doormat?
• Why do we as consumers hold so little value for the people who create what we consume? I'm sure you've noticed that most people in retail and food service seem like they hate their lives. The reason for that is that they've totally lost faith in humanity.
• Why do so many people drive like they own the road and cause risk to my life and sanity?
• I honestly believe Batman could take Superman (and really any of the other heroes) in a fight and barely break a sweat.
• And why is it that, as a child, I fought bedtime so hard. What was my deal? Bedtime is the unsung hero of my life.

So, there are a few little snippets from my brain. I'll be back tomorrow with more cohesive thoughts. 

Not Always Right

Here's what I will never understand: rude customers. Especially the customers who come in and, after I greet them, order their "grande vanilla latte
as fast as you can. I'm running late." And then they proceed to be rude when they don't have it one minute later. Here's my question, well, four questions actually: 1. If you're running late, why did you put yourself on someone else's time? 2. Why do you think it's okay to be angry when someone else's time doesn't match yours? Did you not notice the line in front of you when you walked in? Do you not understand how lines work? The people in front of you get their drinks first. And, though we are working as fast as we can, we are still only human and only have two hands.
I understand that I work in customer service so, therefore, it is my job to serve people. But, personally, I don't think this gives anyone the right to be rude to me or my coworkers. I am not less important than you since I am on the other side of the counter. I didn't make your drink hot when you wanted it iced just to spite you, it was a mistake. This doesn't give you the right to yell at me or treat me like I am stupid. I respect your time, I'm not lollygagging. The real kicker is, if I treated my customers the way most of them treated me then I would get fired. How is that okay? I want to know how "the customer is always right" if the customer is being abusive of the people who are serving them?

Furry Friends

Every so often it occurs to me that there is a little animal that lives in my house. He has free reign to go anywhere and do almost anything. (Except sleep on the table...in theory) And that's kind of weird. I mean, have you ever really thought about it? There's this sentient little creature prowling around my apartment looking adorable and adding nothing to my life except fur everywhere and the occasional cuddle. He doesn't hunt for me, he's not for protection, he definitely doesn't do the dishes, and he's really bad at conversation. But I wouldn't get rid of him for anything in the world because, somehow, he makes me feel like I have purpose. Like I'm important. Sure, he's a cat, and sometimes he acts a little snobbishly cat-like, but then he comes up on the bed and cuddles with me. Or he cries if I don't pick him up right away when I get home and it makes my heart happy. I'm not sure why, he's never told me he loves me (and I'd be terrified if words came out of his mouth. And famous, I'd be famous with a talking cat.), but he fills a little space in my heart.
So, really...pets are kind of a weird thing. But, seriously, look at that face? How can we not keep them around?

The Wall

Let's take a moment and consider the wall. Not just "a" wall. Not "that" wall. But "the" wall. You know which wall I'm talking about. It's the one you run into right as you're really starting to make progress. That devastating thought: "What's the point in trying, I'm just going to fail anyway."
I think we've all faced that wall at some point, or run face first into it. Maybe you even feel like you've smacked into that wall so hard you've caused it to fall on top of you and now you're hopelessly buried underneath it. How do you climb out? It feels insurmountable. We're waving our arm through the bricks asking for a helping hand to pull us out.
So, how do we overcome this? I don't really know. I have fought with this wall for most of my life and I am fighting with it right now. But I am having an easier time this go round. Why, you may ask? Because I am surrounding myself with people who understand the wall and are calling to me from the other side, encouraging me to knock it down and keep running. Be careful who you choose to fill your life. Not everyone cheers for you. Some people will pick up the crumbling bricks and throw them at you. So, who are your people? And, more importantly, which kind of person are you?

Find Your Niche

I would like to take a minute and highly encourage you to stop what you're doing and create something. I don't care what you make, it could be a doodle, a poem, an awesome sandwich, a cup of coffee, or even just braiding your hair. Okay, stop reading, and do it right now. Ready? Go.
Did you do it? How do you feel? Like a little of your stress left through your fingertips? Like you did something worthwhile, even though it did nothing to progress your day? Like this really is the best sandwich you've ever eaten? Good. Now do it every day. Start with something small, find your niche and keep going. I promise it won't slow you down and make you miss an important meeting or keep you from that sink full of dishes. It'll just make you a lot happier while you fulfill those obligations. It'll let your mind breathe. We were made in the image of the One who created everything, so of course we have the drive to create something.
I forgot this for a long time. It wasn't letting my soul out to breathe. That's what writing is for me and I am so glad that I found my voice again. This last week has been amazing and I am so excited to keep pressing forward in this. The world looks a lot more inviting now that I'm brushing out the cobwebs in my head. I highly recommend finding your outlet. I promise you won't regret it.

Slow Your Roll

Why does everything have to be so fast-paced? Working at Starbucks, everything is about speed. We try to keep our drive-thru window time below 45 seconds and the we want to get our customers through our line in 3 minutes or less. When you're on bar, you're always working on two drinks at a time and leveraging the time your espresso machine takes to do things so that there is never wait time, you're always working.
These are good things in this industry, and I'm not knocking it, but I've realized that it is starting to affect the rest of my life. It's become incredibly hard to slow down. If you could see my browser right now I have six tabs open and I've flipped through all of them at least 5 times. This post isn't the only project I'm working on at this moment. When I need a second to think about what I'm going to write here, I switch to another tab and work on something else. I almost always have music playing or a movie on when I'm at home. I'm usually not really watching the movie, but I like the background noise. I can't handle silence anymore. The store were I work gets so loud and I'm there in the noise for eight hours everyday, so when I leave my brain freaks out if it's quiet.
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, if you glance around in any coffee shop, on the bus, or even on the street you'll see most people with their faces in their phones. We are a multitasking nation and no one has, or really wants, time to breath. Even in our down time we need something occupying our minds. And, honestly, I'm not sure how to fix this problem. Everyone is tied up in their calendar through their various commitments, requirements, and obligations. In this fast paced society, how do we carve out time to really live? I highly recommend taking some time to slow down. Turn off your phone, pick up a book, and fall off the grid. Give your mind space to settle in. Because, as I've said before, life is beautiful and we're missing it.